I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
