babies were throwing up all over the place
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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