idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Buhtt sex?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
