There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
