Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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