I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
