So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
