Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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