sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
