one word: firstdatebathroomanal
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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