maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
