Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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