A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
