things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
