Screwed.edu
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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