i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You smell like stripper and shame
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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