Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
