he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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