im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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