its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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