I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
