tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
