I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
