Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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