i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize