We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
