Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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