I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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