I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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