Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
