Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize