Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
