he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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