Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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