JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
