i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
