bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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