I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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