just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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