we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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