I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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