she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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