I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
