someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
