You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
