go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
