Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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