What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
