Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
