How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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