Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
