His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
