I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
