The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
