U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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