Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
