i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
