just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
