I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
