plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
