You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
