does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
