Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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