fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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