margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So much Jack, so little girl.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
