I just cut my nipple shaving
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize