there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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