thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
