i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I lost the right to judge tonight
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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