The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
